Bolla - Valpolicella @ (1 cork)

Retails: $8.99 per 1.5L (Total Wine)

Valpolicella is the most beautiful sounding wine I've ever heard. She sounds like she could have been Boticelli's muse or the mysterious woman in DaVinci's Mona Lisa. Unfortunately, she smells like cat urine and tastes like a dumpster.

No, really.

Talk about a serious disappointment! My forays into Italian wines have not yielded any true favorites. Why am I so obsessed with wanting to like an Italian red...have you SEEN the Sopranos? Not that I condone violence or mobster life, but you must admit that the way they say "prosciutto" and "capricola" leaves you wanting a piece of the old country.

I'll admit it, I'm an Italian wannabe. I'm proud of my Scottish/French-Canadian heritage but there's something about all things Italiano that really resonate with me. Ever since I was a tot, pasta has been my #1 go-to food. If there was pasta on the menu, I'm getting it. In adulthood, it's been the only kind of cuisine I can effectively execute without too much cook book consultation. I feel as if I'm creating a piece of art in perfecting a succulent lasagna or manicotti. When I was single, my cupboards were filled to the brim with boxes of whole wheat pasta and canned tomato sauce...who am I kidding, even in my co-habitation, pasta's still a weekly indulgence. Was I skeptical of the low-carb movement, ABSOLUTELY!

You can imagine my disappointment, then, in such a beautifully named Italian wine. Bolla's Valpolicella is probably the worst wine I've ever tasted. To go on and on about how gross this wine is would be boring and counterproductive. I remain hopeful that somewhere there is an Italian wine under $10 that will knock my socks off. Recommendations are welcome! For now, I would keep clear of this disaster.

At least, with my upcoming nuptials, I'm marrying someone who's ITALIAN/German/Irish. We're a pair of European mutts and I love it.

Canyon Oaks - Merlot Rose @ (1 cork) -- GIRLS' NIGHT PART 2

Retails: $4.99 (Total Wine)

To recap, we had a Girls' night at my abode to sample a variety of moderately priced bottles. The panelists? Pineapple, Sunshine, Mrs. Almighty, and S. Breezy (Fo Sheezey) . Here's our 2nd selection, chosen by yours truly.

This. Wine. Was. Horrible. Yuck.

<---Sunshine's clearly not enthused

To quote Mrs. Almighty: "It tastes too alcohol-y...like astringent." We all gave it 1's and 2's and one of us gave it a zero. (WAH WAAAAAAH). Don't even bother with this one it's entirely terrible.

The only reason I saved it is to use it for cooking. Yes, among my list of uses for awful wine is for cooking. If a recipe calls for wine, you can often use a wine that wasn't palatable for drinking. Although a flavorful wine is preferable, the wine flavor will suffice in recipes that don't require a generous amount (i.e. pasta sauce). So, instead of flushing the bottle down the drain, go ahead and save it in your fridge for use in cooking.

Speaking of cooking, Total Wine now has a small section devoted to wine pairings. They will even supply you with the recipe for free! My one critique is there were no pairings for junk food...what wines go well with doritos? Discuss...

Terre di Chioti - Sangiovese @ (1 corks)

Retails: $5.99 (Total Wine)

You can't get more Italian than a Sangiovese. It is the most common grape varietal planted in Italy, accounting for 10% of all vineyard production. This grape gets its name from the Latin phrase sanguis jovis or "Blood of Jove." It is often mixed with other grape varietals to create such famous Italian wines as Chianti. The grape, itself, is said to be native to the Tuscan region.

Sangiovese is kind of a picky varietal. It is late to ripen but rots easily in damp climates. It also does not grow well in altitudes exceeding 1500 feet. Regions like Tuscany with hot, dry climate, seem to be the perfect place for this varietal. It's a difficult grape to get just right. It presents a challenge for wine makers due to its high acidity and low body. Winemakers have tried many techniques to add more complexity to its flavor. This is probably why it is most often found combined with other grapes.

This is also probably why it is difficult to find a truly good Sangiovese wine. This one doesn't hold a candle to other Sangiovese wines I've tried. It is extremely bland. No flavor except for a bit of dryness in the finish. Blah.

Final Words: No bueno.