Buffalo Grove - Cabernet Sauvignon @@ (2 corks)

Retails: $8.99 ($12.99 1.5 L)

I'm in a funk.

I'm not sure if it's the workplace, a case of the dulldrums, a looming birthdate, babyfever, lack of friends, lack of funds, missing people, lack of creativity, or a simple case of the blahs...or a combination of all of the above (shit).

...and like a good blogger, I reached for a bottle that ALSO turned out to be shit. Great! To make matters worse, I started on this ranting blog and my computer completely rebooted without warning further leading me to believe that I've stumbled on some seriously bad mojo...or something.

Either way, unlike the red zinfandel from this same label, this Cab is awful. It's drinkable but that may be entirely based on my desperation.

So, what's a gal to do when in an unexplained funk? Well, for me, it involves my husband politely leaving me to my mood while I watch old episodes of Sex and the City snuggled up with my dog, Roxy, who celebrates her fifth birthday tomorrow.

Yes, friends, I'm one of those crazy dog ladies. Fully committed and unapologetic, my dog is amazing and yes, she is the namesake from which this blog derives its name. You see, Roxy Cape was the fake name I gave out at bars in college (along with a fake number that led fools to my alma matter's automated daily menu, the "to eat" line...yes, I'm that kind of clever.)

Roxy seemed like a wonderfully ironic name for my puppy who I truly believe chose me--I've never had a dog before, my family's more feline-oriented.

I was on my way to a haircut and happened upon a puppy shop (clearly puppy mill puppies but, you know, fuzzy!) I had been in the market but not super motivated to look. I came upon a pen of adorable puppies when a little black, furry puppy who studied me curiously with an air of, "have we met?"

Needless to say, after my hair appointment, I hurriedly ran back to the shop and snatched her up before the shop closed. I thank my puppy for getting me out of the worst relationship of my life and eventually guiding me to meet my husband --- no, really, we met at the dog park it doesn't get any more blatant than that.

As I turned on the television to begin my Sex and the City marathon this evening, she snuggled up on my lap giving me the look of -- "this again? What's wrong now? Pour yourself a cocktail--it's necessary sometimes, lady-- forget this wine, scratch your dog behind the ears, you'll be fine in an hour." Sometimes my dog really is my best friend (or my unorthodox therapist?)

Either way, Roxy my dear, Happy 5th birthday. You are my little furry soulmate.

Banrock Station - White Shiraz @@ (2 corks)

Retails: $6.99 (Wal-Mart)

This rose wine lacks the fortitude to win me over. The strongest flavor within this wine is a distinct strawberry essence. Its flavors are pleasing, but I could get the same effect from drinking a soda. It's not a bad wine, as in, it tastes OK. It's slightly unsual, I haven't come across many blends labeled as a white shiraz, but it's just...underwhelming. I've enjoyed other varietals from this maker but this one leaves me wanting something more.
Final Words:
If you're looking for a delicious white or rose varietal, this one will leave you unsatisfied.

Vin Ordinaire - Cheap Red Wine @@ (2 corks)

Retails: $5.99 (Total Wine)

"The most important thing about wine is that you enjoy it, regardless of vintage or style." Vin Ordinaire's Cheap Red Wine claims to be nothing else than a very straight forward California red. A melange of several varietals, this red wine presents a no-frills approach to wine drinking. To use a metaphor, most of the bottles I rate are like designer knock-offs--equally delicious bottles, gussied up like their pricier counterparts that don't come with the designer pricetag. This bottle makes absolutely no attempt at being anything but cheap. The bottle's simple brown label with "cheap red wine" stamped on the front conveys quite simply, what thrifty wine shoppers are looking for. It's shabby-chic--something kinda ugly and unkempt that is made to be kind of modern and forward in thinking. Is Vin Ordinaire (Ordinary Wine) onto something? I think this all sounds like a bunch of marketing ho-ha if you as me. I'd almost be insulted if it wasn't clever at the same time.

But, as they say, proof is in the punch. Cheeky label aside, this is an OK red wine. Not horrible, not great, just OK. After a couple days of being open, it begins to sour so it's best to be consumed on the day you open it. It would have been far more impressive if hidden within the unremarkable packaging there happened to be a true gem of a wine. Unfortunately, Cheap Red Wine turned out to be just that.

Gallo Family Twin Valley - White Zinfandel @@ (2 corks)

Retails: $5.99 (Wal-Mart)

The Boss family in America when it comes to exporting wine is Gallo. If Tony Soprano (of The Sopranos) were into wines, he'd be Julio and/or Ernest Gallo.

The Gallo name is a paradox for me. They are synonymous with both high-end wines and also the crap that comes in a four-pack at your local 7-11--don't lie, we've all been there. I can remember days when I was on the road with the video crew and we'd be in some po-dunk town and have nothing better to do than raid the local convenience store for cheap beer and wine in a 4-pack. Gallo distributes wines under several brands including Ecco Domani, Bella Sera, Turning Leaf and Barefoot. If you're an avid wine drinker, you know that there's quite a bit of difference in price between Ecco Domani and Barefoot.

Twin Valley is one of their lower-priced varieties and I can say truthfully, it tastes more like a very diluted cranberry juice than wine. Don't get me wrong, if you're not in it for the taste and rather, in it for the after effects, it's not a bad wine--FYI white wines will give you less of a hangover than reds because the amount of sulfates in this and other light colored liquids is less. But, if you do enjoy a more full-bodied wine, this is probably going to leave you somewhat disappointed.

Pacific Peak - Cabernet Sauvignon (@@ 2 corks)

Retails: $4.99 (Total Wine)

Cabernet Sauvignon is one of the most ubiquitous wine varietals in the world. Almost every region that wine is produced grows this varietal. Although common, it is a relatively new grape, a cross between Cabernet Franc and Sauvignon Blanc (hence Cabernet Sauvignon) said to have been hybridized in the 17th Century. Easy to grow due to its thick skin and hearty vine, Cabernet Sauvignon grapes do well in a variety of climates. This is probably why you'll find Cabernets from virtually all over the world.

If you like tannin flavor, you'll like this wine. Commonly, Cabernet Sauvignon can offer a bouquet of flavors, ranging from mint to even green bell pepper. But, this particular varietal is limited in flavor. From its smell all the way to the after taste, everything reeks of tannins. The dryness is almost unbareable for my personal taste.

Last Words: Eh, not terrible, but not necessarily something I'll buy again.

Vecchia Cantina - Chianti @@ (2 corks)

Retails: $6.99 (Total Wine)

Have you ever been subject to elitism when buying cheap wine? I know I have. When I moved here from Maine three years ago, I remember shopping at the local grocery store, perusing the selection of cheap wines. A red headed fellow kept eyeing me until he finally came over and said in a thick Italian accent: "Cheap wine! Ugh! eeets like drinkeeng kemikals! eet eez a deesgrace to wine!" I was being harassed by a random Italian man, in Bradenton, Florida! In a Publix! First off, if you're going to be a wine snob, why are you buying wine at the local grocery store?? Secondly, why are you living in Bradenton? (Bradenton, although lovely, is by no means as fancy as its sister city, Sarasota.)

Mind you, in Maine thrifty-ness was not only applauded but expected in a state that is primarily rural with no major cities to speak of--I lived in a suburb of its "major city" (Portland) which has a population of approximately 250,000. There are more cows in Maine than people, no joke. The thought of paying more than $20 for a bottle of wine is virtually unheard of for locals---tourists, however, well...that's another story. I grew up in a semi-European household, so it's not like I haven't experienced expensive wine but I was taught early on not to confuse expensive with "good," hence, my passion for cheap wine. Thankfully, places like Total Wine make it exquisitely easy to be thrifty on your wine purchases.

So, on to the review! Chianti will always hold a sacred place in my heart. One of my dearest friends and I used to split a bottle of Chianti and watch chick flicks when we were fresh out of college. I distincitly remember us being unable to uncork a bottle of Rufino Chianti which ended up with us on the floor, me holding the bottle with both hands and her attempting to pull with all her mite. A cork-ridden bottle ensued. Hilarious. Vecchia Cantina Chianti lacks the characteristic immediate sweetness I associate with a Chianti. Although easily drinkable, like most Chiantis, this one has a pucker to its flavor. The after effect is dry, to the point of turning your tongue like sand paper. Normally, a little dryness doesn't bother my taste buds but when you're in the mood for Chianti, this just won't do.

Final Word: It's drinkable, but not memorable. If you seek a Chianti, try a bottle of Rufino instead.

Pinot Evil - Pinot Noir @@ (2 corks)

Retails: $6.99 (Total Wine)

Pinot Noir has enjoyed a surge in popularity due in part to the movie Sideways where the lead character, played by Paul Giamatti, is a wine enthusiast who has a particular affection for pinot. I, for one, am a huge pinot noir fan and am always dazzled by the array of flavors pinot noir can contain.

I'm a sucker for good design and clever titles (clearly!) and frequently I am swayed to buy a wine with a pretty label. Aside from the fact that this bottle has a totally kickass name, and also includes the famous see no evil monkeys on the label, this is a relative harsh pinot noir to enjoy. Minimal scent masks an extremely dry tasting wine. The initial flavor is smooth, but the after taste comes on strong and abrupt leaving you with a throat so dry you'll be begging for water. There really isn't much complexity to the flavor of this wine, actually, sort of tastes like chemicals to be honest.

Final Word: If you love dry wines, this one's for you. For me personally, I'm not going to be able to manage more than a glass' worth. @@ (2 corks)